For You to Live, I'll Suffer Your Pain
by ElizaXSpears
Summary: It's not a proper cure but at least you'll have eternity again


When William had given word to Alan that they were finally sure of a cure for the thorns, Alan nearly had an attack from sheer joy. Though the words William said were spoken a few days prior, Alan could still hear them in his mind as if they'd just been spoken. "I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear there's finally been a cure for your illness." Alan had to hold himself still on his feet elsewise he'd have been bouncing all over the place. Unfortunately, the day before this one, Alan had one of his worst attacks yet forcing him to be bedridden. "Fuckin'…" Eric shook his head as he sat on the edge of Alan's bed. "I can't believe this had t' happen now."

Alan's pale hand reached over to rub over Eric's arm, offering the best smile he could manage. "But Eric, t-this may be my last attack."

"An' I couldn't be 'appier." He placed his hand over Alan's, retuning the brunettes smile with a grin of his own. "The first thing I'm gonna do when your cured is-"

"T-Take me to the fanciest restaurant you can find."

"Deal."

Alan lifted Eric's hand to his chest placing it over his heart. "…c-can you feel it?"

Eric blinked, the grin falling away. "Kinda…it's beatin' weirdly."

Alan swallowed, clutching Eric's hand tightly. "My next attack will be my l-last."

"But ya won't 'ave another attack like ya said! Soon Spears is gonna come through that door and, I dunno, do somethin', but it'll cure ya!"

Alan laughed softly, coughing into his hand went the laughter when on for a bit too long. "I hope h-he hurries."

"So do I."

Thankfully after a few minutes more, William let himself into Alan's bedroom, nodding politely to his reapers. "Afternoon."

Eric cocked an eyebrow, scanning William. "Where's the cure?"

"The cure?"

"Yeah. I was kinda thinkin' you'd bring a needle 'r somethin'."

William folded his hands behind his back. "I'm afraid it's not that kind of cure."

"…w-what sort of cure is it?" Alan asked.

"I'll explain if I may speak with you alone." His eyes were trained on Eric. "May you leave Humphries and I?"

"No. 'm stayin' here." He crossed his arms stubbornly. "What ya have t' say t' Al, you can say t' me."

William pushed up his glasses, turning his eyes to Alan, seeming to ask for a bit of help. "M-Maybe it's best if it's just Mr. Spears and I for n-now."

Eric turned to Alan. "Really?"

"Alan may tell you everything after we've discussed…it."

Eric scowled. "Ya make it sound like he's signin' his life away."

"Believe me, it's not that dire."

After reaming stubborn a few more moments, Eric eventually gave in. He stood while pointing a finger at William. "Fine. But I want t' know everything." He turned his finger to Alan. " _Everything_."

"Alright."

Eric gave one last glare to William before he left the two alone. "Sit." Alan gestured to the spot Eric was in but oddly enough, William looked a little nervous. "Sir? What's w-wrong?"

William took the offered spot with a deep sigh. "The cure we have isn't a…complete cure."

"Complete?"

"You'll be cured however in order to do so…we must give the thorns to someone else." Alan's blank stare was one of the expected reactions. "I'm sure it's not what you wanted to hear but-"

"Of course it isn't what I wanted to hear. You must be joking."

"I'm afraid I'm not nor do I ever."

Alan blinked back sudden tears of anger and though he was meant to remain in bed to rest, he felt suddenly disobedient as he pushed himself from bed to taking the lapels of William's jacket in his hands. "That's not a cure! Why the hell would you call it that when ass I'd be doing is passing it on?!"

"Alan." William carefully unlatched Alan's fingers. "I know this isn't what you wanted, what anyone wanted, however it's the best for you. Furthermore, you wouldn't be forcing the thorns onto anyone. They'd be a willing participant."

"Who in the hell would be willing?" he huffed. William didn't answer. Alan took a moment before his eyes widened. "Y-You?"

"Yes."

"No…no, that's…you're…" his hands clenched at his side. "You're a bloody idiot!" he clutched William's shoulders this time and despite having gotten weaker, he was still able to induce a bruising grip. "Why the hell do you want this torment? Why do you want to slowly die and crumple from the pain? To leave everyone you care about to…to…to risk everything and…be forgotten." He chocked out.

William's eyes softened considerably and in a rare show of kindness, he stood as he removed Alan's hands to pull the brunette into a comforting embrace. One hand was pressed gently to the back of Alan's head and the other ran soothing circles over Alan's back. "This is best for you."

"…can't we just give them to a corpse?"

"The thorns wouldn't take."

"They have a mind of their own now?"

"Alan." William gently pushed the young man from him simultaneously slipping a handkerchief from his inner jacket pocket to wipe Alan's tears. "The thorns are, in many ways, a vengeful spirit. They are the mortal trying to cling to life yet in that process also kill the reaper who had meant to bring them peace. They wouldn't accept a cadaver or a human close to death. They need, want, a body that's strong, healthy, someone like Eric or I."

"Why c-couldn't you have just taken them out before if you can transfer them to someone else?"

"For us to do that, we'd have to strip down your soul." He wiped another tear. "By then, you wouldn't be Alan anymore. The thorns will only appear when being transferred to another body."

"That's bullshit."

"I know."

Alan wiped his eyes. "But…you? Isn't there someone else?"

"I wouldn't let anyone else volunteer. I've made my decision the moment I was aware this was a possibility." He slipped the handkerchief back into his pocket. "Anyway, I have no one here who will mourn for me."

"What of your job? You can't leave that behind."

"Slingby is more than capable of taking over."

Alan shook his head, snatching his hands out to clasp William's. "Please sir, don't. If this is the only 'cure' there is, then I'll keep them and die."

William shook his head. "Do you know what happens when a reaper is killed?"

"…no."

"Since this is our punishment for taking our own lives, being killed or killing ourselves again most believed would allow us to finally rest, however that is not the case. It's rarely spoke of, as it's not a pleasant thing, but we end up in an Eternal Purgatory if we are to die again."

"We don't…rest?"

"No. Our souls will be sent there but we won't be at rest. We'll be locked away, stuck there unable to do anything but endure our death again and again."

"And…you're willing to do that?"

"Very."

"Just…for me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

William ran his fingers through Alan's hair, offering an even rarer smile, even if it was small. "You deserve to live much more then I. Both your human life and this life have been infected with an incurable illness that's hinder you in every aspect." Though his smile grew, his eyes dimmed. "I was only a man that couldn't handle the stress of his job…" he shook his head. "Now look where I am."

"I…" Alan was at a loss and the sudden stress of what had just been told him made him feel weak and he fell against William. "May I think it over?"

"As much as I would like your answer now, alright. I'll allow you time to think."

"Thank you."

William nodded then turned to the bed. "Rest up Alan." He said helping the weaker man back to the mattress. "I'll send Eric in if you wish."

"Please."

William stepped out and Alan lay in his bed, grasping the sheets with many thoughts whirling in his mind. This was both going to be better for him but how would everything change after William left? He was a hardass, yes, but he was also very good at what he did. Things ran as smoothly as they could under William's command and Alan wasn't sure Eric would get the same respect. "Al." Eric entered the room. "Wha' happened? Are y okay?" Alan nodded then told Eric everything. As expected Eric needed a moment to take everything in before he bit his bottom lip. "It's probably just my selfish ass, but I'd say take it. I can do Spears's job easily and you wouldn't have t' leave me."

"That's what I want." Alan said. "I want to be here with you but at the same time…could I live with the guilt of giving Mr. Spears this curse?"

"It shouldn't guilt ya if he's askin' for it."

"Eric-"

"Alan." Eric took both his hands. "This is your only chance t' be with me, with all of us, forever like ya wanted too."

Alan cast his eyes downward, feeling another bought of tears come forth, this time brought on my frustration. "I…I'll think about it."

"…don't think too much. We dunno when that last attack is gonna happen."

Alan knew that as he could feel his body shut down more and more each day and when he could no longer sit up without assistance, he made up his mind. "Alan." William said, the brunette having used Eric's as his messenger bird. "Have you decided?"

"Yes…" his voice was much softer now, barely above a whisper. "I'll…t-take the cure."

"Wonderful." He touched Alan's shoulder. "I'll be sure to notify the infirmary staff and-"

"But I'll only take it on one c-condition."

"And that is?"

"If you p-promise that you won't g-go through this alone. I had friends to h-help me through this damn illness and I want you t-to have friends too, maybe even push yourself to find a l-lover. I want you to be surrounded with p-people who will miss you when you take your final b-breath."

"That's quite a tall order."

"If you don't, I won't t-take the cure." He took William's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it with what little strength he had. "P-Promise me."

William took a deep breath. "Alright." He nodded. "I'll…I'll try to do so."

"Thank y-you."

The extraction and swap was a long, slow process as everyone wanted to make sure the infected record didn't try to enter anyone else that wasn't William but eventually, it was done. In a few months, Alan had regained most of his strength and the color back in his skin. He, for once in both his lives, finally felt free however the opposite could be said for William. His health decline rapidly though not as quickly as Alan had when he'd first received the thorns. At first, Alan had forgotten about the thorns completely until he'd seen the first, strong attack William had. He collapsed in his office with only Ronald and him around to help William through it and ever since then, Alan noticed the changes. William's suits slowly began to hang off his ever slimming form; his skin went from pale without sun to paler then death should have been. It was awful and ugly reminder to Alan that, that was him not too long ago.

Eventually, it was time to say goodbye as William lay on his bed much like Alan had. His eyes looked heavy to keep open but William forced them to remain open to ask for one last request. "Though my soul m-may remain i-in that e-eternal realm, may my body be buried w-with my f-family?"

"Of course." Alan smiled sadly down at the man. "Undertaker even has a specially made coffin for you."

He squeezed William's hand then stepped back, feeling Eric's arm around his shoulders as they left the room to allow Grell and Ronald their last words in private. "I…I can't believe he's leaving."

"He did it for you." Eric said. "He wanted t' do it for you." He turned Alan to him to hug him. "Now do what he wanted you t' do and live."

William's last breath was given around six in the morning with Ronald by his side. He denied it but the wet streaks on his cheeks were all the proof they needed and around eight, William was buried beside his mother and farther, the sun high in the sky without a cloud in sight and from what Alan saw, William had fulfilled his promise of creating friends.

He had waited until he was alone before kneeling down and placing both a rose at the base of the tombstone. "Thank you, William." He said. "I wish I could have done more to repay you for your sacrifice." He gave a moment of silence before stepping back and returning to the office to start the work day, pushing away one thought that would haunt him for all of his life. The knowledge that even after a reaper is dead, they were never at peace but trapped in a place where even pain of the thorns would be mercy.

* * *

I'll be honest, I dunno what this is. I just kind of had the idea of Alan being able to be cured ONLY if the thorns are given to someone else. I dunno if that makes any sense or not but, meh. If I have time and kick my lazy arse into gear, I might make this into an actually story, but we'll see :p


End file.
